Five Family Life Updates
Ever since I wrote this post, which is a little more personal than any other post I’ve ever written, it’s been a topic of conversation in 90% of my conversations with people who’ve read it. They shared their thoughts on relationships, having children, working together, marriage, etc. When I get asked for advice, particularly when it comes to my relationships, is that everyone has their moments. Myself included. I decided to share some family life updates.
Matt + Olivia
From the day I wrote the original post, I got a lot of positive feedback. People appreciated me being honest with them about such a personal topic. It was tough to open up to so many people on the internet, but it’s something most everyone can relate to and deal with on a daily basis.
As you might remember, we put Sebastian in daycare. Thinking that would help us have more sanity and structure in our home. It did, for a short amount of time, but we both missed him so much throughout the day. Daycare didn’t last too long. We took him out of daycare (I’ll talk about it more below) after two months. What we discovered while he was gone, was that it wasn’t Sebastian taking up all our time. It was other things in our schedule and frankly our overall attitudes. We both needed certain things in our schedule to be happy throughout the day. Since we’re always together, we’re learning how to get personal space as much as possible, but we sometimes have to force the other person to get out of the house for a few minutes.
A few weeks after I wrote the post, things were still kind of the same. We were arguing about silly things and we’re still doing that today. We got into a little argument this morning about Alexa, which turned into “you never listen to me” argument. It’s incredible how quickly these types of things escalate. I realized that when I’m back at the gym, I feel better about myself and therefore a better person in our relationship.
I also realized that I need to chill. So I need to take a chill pill sometimes. I’m a driven person and sometimes that can be exhausting, especially for those around me. In Cartagena, we planned out our trip. We knew the things we wanted to do, places we wanted to go and how we would capture everything for the business. This approach was new but it worked great. It took off a lot of stress of the trip. Yes, vacations can be stressful, as weird as that might sound. I will say, having a plan and a schedule definitely contributed to a much more relaxed and fun trip.
Everyday we work on things to try and recognize how we could have handled certain situations better. Today, I stumbled upon a book that gave me a better understanding of our relationship, The 5 Love Languages. It’s been a while since I’ve read the book, so it’s now sitting on my desk. I need a refresher course.
One thing I always remind people, relationships are a lot of work. Sometimes you want to put 100% and other days you don’t have the energy to put in any effort. We’ve all been there before, but don’t let that define your relationship. One bad day is just that, one bad day. Let things pass, learn to let go and move on. It takes less energy and it’s good for your heart (literally and figuratively).
Sebastian in Daycare
I was going to write an entire post about us taking Sebastian out of daycare, but I think this is a better forum. The two main reasons we took him out of daycare were that we both missed him so much throughout the day and the cost.
The entire reason I started my blog was to be home with my kids. Fast forward to 2018 and here I was putting Sebastian in daycare a block away from our apartment. It didn’t feel right and to be honest, I wasn’t getting that much more done without him. We missed him so much throughout the day. We always dropped him off late and picked him up as early as possible. Most days he was in daycare for 6 hours. If you’re a parent with a child in daycare, you know the cost. It’s not cheap. We did the math and it just didn’t add up. On top of that, we travel quite a bit, so he was there maybe, maybe 15 days per month. It just didn’t make sense.
He’s now home and we’re readjusting our schedule. The mornings we spend together, having breakfast and going on a walk. As the day progresses, I start having meetings, take photos, edit photos, etc. Sebastian’s bedtime is 7:30. This is what I consider my “office hours”. It allows us to brainstorm, write and start planning for the following days. I’m adjusting my mindset. Coming from the corporate world, this is so out of the ordinary. It sometimes feels strange to be having breakfast at 9 am with my family. It gives me anxiety, I feel like I should be working. But I’m learning to adjust…
Batman and Sebastian
This one might be the toughest to share. I really thought they would bond, but it just hasn’t happened. Batman was our first baby and there’s a lot of jealousy there now with Sebastian. Before he was our #1 and it’s been hard for him to take a backseat to Sebastian. That’s fair. They keep their distance from each other most times. Lately, Sebastian has started to pet Batman, but he gets so excited it turns into slapping Batman on the back. The crazy thing about Sebastian, he’s so gentle with other dogs. Just not Batman.
A big downer has been that Batman has been getting really upset lately. We try our best to shower him with love, but he just doesn’t understand that baby isn’t ever leaving. Hopefully, when Sebastian gets older, they’ll become friends. Fingers crossed.
If you have any recommendations or tips, would love to hear from you.
Another frequently asked question. Yes, I want more children, just not right now. Hopefully in the next few years. We’ve been saving money for a bigger place with two bedrooms, more space, etc. If you live in NYC, you know the struggle.
Someone asked for a Kitty update! Which made me really happy because she’s my baby girl.
Kitty’s real name is Pfeiffer, like Michelle Pfeiffer…Batman reference. Three years ago we rescued Pfeiffer from Bideawee, here in the city. She came into the shelter with a mangled leg. Due to the severity of the injuries, they had to amputate her front left leg. We think she was abused because she’s always been really scared of humans. However, I’m proud to say that she’s now starting to come out from underneath the sofa when we have guests over.
I thought about getting Kitty #2 but since we have a lot of personality in our home right now, we’ll likely wait till we get a bigger apartment. Hopefully, we can adopt a cat in the next few years!
That’s the update from here. Thanks so much for all your feedback and as always thanks for reading and following along!
I will say kids (especially boys) get better with pets as they get older. Our cat basically was on a opposite schedule to our son from when he was about 1 until he was about 3 or 4. She would hide because he was too rough. If he was sleeping she was out looking for cuddles. They are friends now (he is 6) as he has learned the right way to pet and to not pull tails etc. It will come with time.
I love that you’re opening up about your real life! It’s something I really want to bring to my very young blog, but it’s often difficult to get so vulnerable! I hope Batman and Sebastian start becoming friends soon! ?
Thanks for sharing! Me and my husband also read about the Love Languages and did the questionnaire in order to identify which one applied to each one. It was an eye-opener and we learned a lot about each other. As for the daycare situation, we’re also trying to keep our 15 month old in the house – both because of cost and because we want to be close to her. My husband works from home and I can WFH once a week, but I would love to be able to find a way to work 75% to 100% from home. Haven’t been possible yet.
I also adopted my kitty from Bideawee! I love that shelter, it’s an amazing establishment!!!
Pets can be tough with children and I often find its important to include your child in every aspect of the dogs routine. Walks, feed (wishing safety reasons of course!) and poop cleanup. Your dog will learn and your child too that we must co-exist! I hope that helps!
Darling I will start by saying I have no children . I often look after kids from friends and my niece and nephews. I know it is not the same but having been around families with both kids and dogs , keep an eye open to quash any abuse on either side and let them work it out for themselves. Who will be the pack leader will be you , they will fall in line .
Dress The Part
For affordability have you looked into daycares that provide part-time options? Like half-day or just 2-3 days/week. I really can’t imagine that you couldn’t get more done without your 1yr old around for 6 whole hours! :-o. I ask this as a parent of 1 and 5yr old, and you’re right, oh man, daycare is SO expensive!!
I love this post, honest, real life, something I’m looking for in a blog like this.I ‘ll also be honest, I dont judge, everyone is different but when I read your post on daycare I was wondering how you do it and it was a bit sad for me as I was thinking about my daughter how would I put her in a daycare do early, Im lucky to have my Mom take care of my girl and I work full time but each day I wonder what could be a better way, my Mom is great but I just feel I need more time with my baby, shes 10 months.Its weird but I can almost say Im happy that you took your boy out!dont get me wrong, it’s just feeling everything around more intensly since I’ve become a mom.The other thing I liked about your post is being honest about arguments with husband, let’s be honest things are not easier when you welcome little peanut in your world, its great but it’s a strain on every relationship, you’re so right!now I even am writing this with my baby asleep in my arms and ready to put her in bed while my hubby came from work and stepped over the toys on the floor coz lights are off, of course I was ready to attack coz he almost woke her up!!!we are both stressed!not to bore you to death, I simply loved your post!!!