Ever since I wrote this post, which is a little more personal than any other post I’ve ever written, it’s been a topic of conversation in 90% of my conversations with people who’ve read it. They shared their thoughts on relationships, having children, working together, marriage, etc. When I get asked for advice, particularly when it comes to my relationships, is that everyone has their moments. Myself included. I decided to share some family life updates.
Matt + Olivia
From the day I wrote the original post, I got a lot of positive feedback. People appreciated me being honest with them about such a personal topic. It was tough to open up to so many people on the internet, but it’s something most everyone can relate to and deal with on a daily basis.
As you might remember, we put Sebastian in daycare. Thinking that would help us have more sanity and structure in our home. It did, for a short amount of time, but we both missed him so much throughout the day. Daycare didn’t last too long. We took him out of daycare (I’ll talk about it more below) after two months. What we discovered while he was gone, was that it wasn’t Sebastian taking up all our time. It was other things in our schedule and frankly our overall attitudes. We both needed certain things in our schedule to be happy throughout the day. Since we’re always together, we’re learning how to get personal space as much as possible, but we sometimes have to force the other person to get out of the house for a few minutes.
A few weeks after I wrote the post, things were still kind of the same. We were arguing about silly things and we’re still doing that today. We got into a little argument this morning about Alexa, which turned into “you never listen to me” argument. It’s incredible how quickly these types of things escalate. I realized that when I’m back at the gym, I feel better about myself and therefore a better person in our relationship.
I also realized that I need to chill. So I need to take a chill pill sometimes. I’m a driven person and sometimes that can be exhausting, especially for those around me. In Cartagena, we planned out our trip. We knew the things we wanted to do, places we wanted to go and how we would capture everything for the business. This approach was new but it worked great. It took off a lot of stress of the trip. Yes, vacations can be stressful, as weird as that might sound. I will say, having a plan and a schedule definitely contributed to a much more relaxed and fun trip.
Everyday we work on things to try and recognize how we could have handled certain situations better. Today, I stumbled upon a book that gave me a better understanding of our relationship, The 5 Love Languages. It’s been a while since I’ve read the book, so it’s now sitting on my desk. I need a refresher course.
One thing I always remind people, relationships are a lot of work. Sometimes you want to put 100% and other days you don’t have the energy to put in any effort. We’ve all been there before, but don’t let that define your relationship. One bad day is just that, one bad day. Let things pass, learn to let go and move on. It takes less energy and it’s good for your heart (literally and figuratively).
Sebastian in Daycare
I was going to write an entire post about us taking Sebastian out of daycare, but I think this is a better forum. The two main reasons we took him out of daycare were that we both missed him so much throughout the day and the cost.
The entire reason I started my blog was to be home with my kids. Fast forward to 2018 and here I was putting Sebastian in daycare a block away from our apartment. It didn’t feel right and to be honest, I wasn’t getting that much more done without him. We missed him so much throughout the day. We always dropped him off late and picked him up as early as possible. Most days he was in daycare for 6 hours. If you’re a parent with a child in daycare, you know the cost. It’s not cheap. We did the math and it just didn’t add up. On top of that, we travel quite a bit, so he was there maybe, maybe 15 days per month. It just didn’t make sense.
He’s now home and we’re readjusting our schedule. The mornings we spend together, having breakfast and going on a walk. As the day progresses, I start having meetings, take photos, edit photos, etc. Sebastian’s bedtime is 7:30. This is what I consider my “office hours”. It allows us to brainstorm, write and start planning for the following days. I’m adjusting my mindset. Coming from the corporate world, this is so out of the ordinary. It sometimes feels strange to be having breakfast at 9 am with my family. It gives me anxiety, I feel like I should be working. But I’m learning to adjust…
Batman and Sebastian
This one might be the toughest to share. I really thought they would bond, but it just hasn’t happened. Batman was our first baby and there’s a lot of jealousy there now with Sebastian. Before he was our #1 and it’s been hard for him to take a backseat to Sebastian. That’s fair. They keep their distance from each other most times. Lately, Sebastian has started to pet Batman, but he gets so excited it turns into slapping Batman on the back. The crazy thing about Sebastian, he’s so gentle with other dogs. Just not Batman.
A big downer has been that Batman has been getting really upset lately. We try our best to shower him with love, but he just doesn’t understand that baby isn’t ever leaving. Hopefully, when Sebastian gets older, they’ll become friends. Fingers crossed.
If you have any recommendations or tips, would love to hear from you.
Another frequently asked question. Yes, I want more children, just not right now. Hopefully in the next few years. We’ve been saving money for a bigger place with two bedrooms, more space, etc. If you live in NYC, you know the struggle.
Someone asked for a Kitty update! Which made me really happy because she’s my baby girl.
Kitty’s real name is Pfeiffer, like Michelle Pfeiffer…Batman reference. Three years ago we rescued Pfeiffer from Bideawee, here in the city. She came into the shelter with a mangled leg. Due to the severity of the injuries, they had to amputate her front left leg. We think she was abused because she’s always been really scared of humans. However, I’m proud to say that she’s now starting to come out from underneath the sofa when we have guests over.
I thought about getting Kitty #2 but since we have a lot of personality in our home right now, we’ll likely wait till we get a bigger apartment. Hopefully, we can adopt a cat in the next few years!
That’s the update from here. Thanks so much for all your feedback and as always thanks for reading and following along!